Don't you think relationships secrets can yield to better relationships? Everything has its own advantages and disadvantages but secrets do more good that harm. If every body disclosed everything about themselves to a partner, I do not think there would be any relationships. The truth sets you free but it also hurts. Women like talking a lot and hence they suffer higher percentage of being heart broken compared to men. I know you love your man like there is no tomorrow but spare him some details. Romance relationships are very sensitive and so they should be treated with a lot of care. Telling your man how good your ex-lover was in bed wrecks his insides. Do not order your boyfriend to please you sexually just as your ex did. It makes him feel like an absolutely poor substitute.
In our chatting, we get loose with our tongues and end up discussing about some topics which should be a no go area. Good conversationalist make the best lovers but filter your words all the time. Some romance relationships secrets will help your lover to love you for who you are. For instance if you start narrating stories about the type of dudes you have dated, it might cause a negative effect. If your former boyfriends are all jerks except him, he might begin to wonder about your worth as his girlfriend. Again if they were all intelligent and tycoons, he might feel insecure. For better relationships, let him not feel underestimated.
Some women are so open about their every day activities and will even spill out information about some fancy guy who finds them interesting at your work place. These are some of the things which would be better kept as romance relationships secrets. Men are very possessive and protective. As a result of feeling insecure, he might suffocate you with his presence. For better relationships, it is wise to avoid revealing flirtation cases. Being flirtatious is normal for many people so do not let your man make a big deal out of it. You might be noticing some advances from a guy at the gym but if you let your husband know about it, your body will suffer the consequences and you will after all seize being attractive.
In the process of knowing each other, lie about some issues for better relationships. During the teen years many experiment a lot of drugs and poison. There are some people who are so reserved and will judge your character by what your story. They are keen to twist their stories so that you can give in to confessions effortlessly. You can say something like "I only tried a cigarette of which dismissed almost immediately" or you can say "I never paid keen attention on such things". By this you will have cleared your records. As a woman if you have had an abortion, let remain as one of the romance relationships secrets. Every man would pride in giving the woman in his life the first fruits of her womb.
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Monday, January 18, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Relationship Secrets For Online Dating
You may have given up trying to find a relationship in a bar or night club, and have instead turned your attention to the world of online dating. Online dating can be both convenient and effective, but it can also be tiresome and frustrating if you don't know what you are looking for in a mate. Take a look at the following relationship secrets so that you can increase your chances of finding love online.
Before you can find the right person, you need to know who you are looking for. Ask yourself the following questions to give yourself some insight into what you want in a person:
Distance-wise, how far are you willing to travel for someone, if at all?
Does it matter to you if the person is over or underweight?
Would you be comfortable dating a woman with children? What if she had multiple children?
Would you date someone who is in the midst of a divorce?
Are there any unacceptable occupations? (example: Would you date an exotic dancer?)
Do they have to have a job?
After you have asked yourself those questions, you will have a blueprint of what you are looking for and it will help you find the right person online. Most dating sites will let you browse through people's profiles and then you can easily read about them. Keep this list of questions handy so you can know if each person is right for you. It is like having relationship secrets at your fingertips.
Online dating can be great, but it can also be dangerous. Whowantslove.com has some great free tips available that you can use in order to keep yourself safe while you are looking for a relationship. Other than that, follow the relationship secrets I have outlined above and you will be well on your way to finding someone who will meet your expectations.
Before you can find the right person, you need to know who you are looking for. Ask yourself the following questions to give yourself some insight into what you want in a person:
Distance-wise, how far are you willing to travel for someone, if at all?
Does it matter to you if the person is over or underweight?
Would you be comfortable dating a woman with children? What if she had multiple children?
Would you date someone who is in the midst of a divorce?
Are there any unacceptable occupations? (example: Would you date an exotic dancer?)
Do they have to have a job?
After you have asked yourself those questions, you will have a blueprint of what you are looking for and it will help you find the right person online. Most dating sites will let you browse through people's profiles and then you can easily read about them. Keep this list of questions handy so you can know if each person is right for you. It is like having relationship secrets at your fingertips.
Online dating can be great, but it can also be dangerous. Whowantslove.com has some great free tips available that you can use in order to keep yourself safe while you are looking for a relationship. Other than that, follow the relationship secrets I have outlined above and you will be well on your way to finding someone who will meet your expectations.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Relationship Tips
Relationships can be so exciting at the start. It’s a time when you just can’t wait to see each other, spend every spare minute dreaming about each other and just can’t keep off the phone. Unfortunately as the relationship develops into a comfortable routine, the excitement generally recedes, the need to touch base becomes more infrequent and a period of normality sets in. For many, the excitement is in the chase and for others the feeling of commitment can become a strain, the recognition that the love of your life is only human and has their faults makes you question your judgment, and the disappearance of those little surprises can out a dampener on the whole thing. The need to make that extra special effort goes to the back of peoples minds flirtation tends to become a thing of the past and the ‘extra special’ element that generated the attraction in the first place starts to dissipate. At this point in the relationship a few tips can be just what you need to set you back on the right track.
There are numerous relationship tips that will help you on your way, not every tip will be right for you and there are far too many relationship tips to be listed in one article. However there are quite a few tips that are the backbone to a healthy long-term relationship.
• Never assume that because you have been together for a long time that you no longer need to make an effort where your relationship is concerned. If anyone told you that once you have your partner life would be easy they were lying, like most things in life if you want your relationship to last you need to put the effort in.
• My second relationship tip is focus on your partner’s good points and not their bad ones. None of us are perfect, we all have our faults and we are unlikely to every change. What is wrong about us is usually there at the start of any relationship so don’t refocus your attention on the bad points just because you’ve caught your fish!
• One relationship tip that is near the top of the list is never let go of that quality time no matter how busy your life can be. Even if you can survive quite happily on the odd snatched moment give consideration to your partners needs.
• Keep some fun in your life, don’t grow old before your time, enjoy yourselves don’t make life too serious.
• Relax, ease the tension and reduce the stress, tension is a real relationship killer.
• Learn to communicate. This is one relationship tip that you must never forget. How to communicate is covered on many articles on the net (including my own). This is one area that you need to master so take a little time to understand the meaning of communication and how to communicate.
• Keep intimate. If you loose the intimacy in your life you loose the very backbone of your relationship. The odd caress, the fleeting glance and the kiss goodbye all help to keep the excitement alive.
• Don’t just give up on those little surprises and gifts, long-term relationships do not mean that you shouldn’t still show that you still care for each other.
• It is so easy to become too complacent in a relationship, heed this little tip, don’t do it, never take anything or anyone for granted, you can never assume that things will just stay the same for ever without any effort from either side. Love each other, be kind to each other, respect each other and work together to fulfill both your dreams.
• Don’t just say it, show it and mean it. It is so easy to say you love someone, it’s a very small word, but saying it isn’t enough, you have to show it and you have to mean it!!
• It is easy to grow apart when all’s you do is share the same bed. Relationships are all about sharing and caring. Take note of this relationship tip and look for than common interest, make sure you do something together that you both enjoy and don’t just base your relationship on the bedroom!!
• In any relationship there is always a point when things don’t go quite so smooth. One of the best relationship tips I can give you is don’t ignore the signs. If things aren’t going quite right and your partner is hinting that they aren’t happy, don’t just bury your head in the sand. Listen, understand and do something about it.
• Work as a team and don’t shirk your responsibilities. No one likes chores but they have to be done, split the tasks, tackle them together and make sure you both enjoy the same amount of quality time.
• Support each other and make sure you both are given the freedom to achieve your life’s goals. Remember that in relationships there is no room for selfishness, you can’t just say I’m all right and what my partner needs doesn’t count. You need to plan your life together, make sure that you can both achieve what you want to achieve and where there is conflict, compromise.
Relationships are all about give and take, understanding your partner, enjoying the experience and always looking for that little thing that keeps your relationship alive. Understand and respect each other for who you are, don’t expect perfection because if you do you will always be disappointed. Learn to change with the times, embrace change and look forward to the excitement it brings. Above all never assume that the grass is any greener on the other side!
Published At: Isnare Free Articles Directory http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=75579&ca=Relationships
There are numerous relationship tips that will help you on your way, not every tip will be right for you and there are far too many relationship tips to be listed in one article. However there are quite a few tips that are the backbone to a healthy long-term relationship.
• Never assume that because you have been together for a long time that you no longer need to make an effort where your relationship is concerned. If anyone told you that once you have your partner life would be easy they were lying, like most things in life if you want your relationship to last you need to put the effort in.
• My second relationship tip is focus on your partner’s good points and not their bad ones. None of us are perfect, we all have our faults and we are unlikely to every change. What is wrong about us is usually there at the start of any relationship so don’t refocus your attention on the bad points just because you’ve caught your fish!
• One relationship tip that is near the top of the list is never let go of that quality time no matter how busy your life can be. Even if you can survive quite happily on the odd snatched moment give consideration to your partners needs.
• Keep some fun in your life, don’t grow old before your time, enjoy yourselves don’t make life too serious.
• Relax, ease the tension and reduce the stress, tension is a real relationship killer.
• Learn to communicate. This is one relationship tip that you must never forget. How to communicate is covered on many articles on the net (including my own). This is one area that you need to master so take a little time to understand the meaning of communication and how to communicate.
• Keep intimate. If you loose the intimacy in your life you loose the very backbone of your relationship. The odd caress, the fleeting glance and the kiss goodbye all help to keep the excitement alive.
• Don’t just give up on those little surprises and gifts, long-term relationships do not mean that you shouldn’t still show that you still care for each other.
• It is so easy to become too complacent in a relationship, heed this little tip, don’t do it, never take anything or anyone for granted, you can never assume that things will just stay the same for ever without any effort from either side. Love each other, be kind to each other, respect each other and work together to fulfill both your dreams.
• Don’t just say it, show it and mean it. It is so easy to say you love someone, it’s a very small word, but saying it isn’t enough, you have to show it and you have to mean it!!
• It is easy to grow apart when all’s you do is share the same bed. Relationships are all about sharing and caring. Take note of this relationship tip and look for than common interest, make sure you do something together that you both enjoy and don’t just base your relationship on the bedroom!!
• In any relationship there is always a point when things don’t go quite so smooth. One of the best relationship tips I can give you is don’t ignore the signs. If things aren’t going quite right and your partner is hinting that they aren’t happy, don’t just bury your head in the sand. Listen, understand and do something about it.
• Work as a team and don’t shirk your responsibilities. No one likes chores but they have to be done, split the tasks, tackle them together and make sure you both enjoy the same amount of quality time.
• Support each other and make sure you both are given the freedom to achieve your life’s goals. Remember that in relationships there is no room for selfishness, you can’t just say I’m all right and what my partner needs doesn’t count. You need to plan your life together, make sure that you can both achieve what you want to achieve and where there is conflict, compromise.
Relationships are all about give and take, understanding your partner, enjoying the experience and always looking for that little thing that keeps your relationship alive. Understand and respect each other for who you are, don’t expect perfection because if you do you will always be disappointed. Learn to change with the times, embrace change and look forward to the excitement it brings. Above all never assume that the grass is any greener on the other side!
Published At: Isnare Free Articles Directory http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=75579&ca=Relationships
Saturday, December 5, 2009
7 Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship
Most often, what really makes a relationship work is not what we would expect. It is not the first things we think about. Predictability is very important in a relationship, more so than variety, so you do not always have to try and spice things up. There are seven methods which are outlined below which are guaranteed to improve the levels of trust in a relationship. So follow on and take note of what they teach.
First Step.
This very important first step is being predictable. You do not have to continually try and spice things up to keep things going although this a common misunderstanding. Obviously, having and giving surprises is very nice and should be encouraged, but most of all there needs to be a basic consistency in the relationship that anchors it and makes it work. This is how trust is built as we go through our day to day lives.
Second Step.
This step concerns your body language....your words must match your message and therefore you body language, because if they don't match, your partner will pick up on this, even if they are not consciously aware of it and this is when the doubt starts setting in. Remember, when the words match the message which in turn match the body, this is trust building.
Third Step.
This important step is belief in your partners competency, otherwise you or they will not fully trust the other. When you communicate in a loving trusting and truthful way, the relationship just gets stronger. If you or your partner don't have belief in one another, then the relationship is violated.
Fourth Step.
Honesty. Don't keep things from you partner, or have secrets, (we're not talking about surprise birthday party secrets or other innocent ones) as this is very hard to keep going and absorbs a huge amount of energy that should rather be used to enhance and build the relationship. Secrets will eventually come out, and destroy trust.
Fifth Step.
Communication.Always discuss things with each other. Be open and let each other know what your wants and needs are. If you don't you will start resenting things your partner does and because yo do not communicate properly, this will destroy the relationship.
Sixth Step.
Both you and your partner need to learn to say no. Voicing your needs and desires are good things as this shows you are communicating, but you do not always have to agree, as your partner will lose respect for you if you always agree to everything, and this will lead to a breakdown in the relationship.
Seventh Step.
This the last step, is a very important one. Always pursue growth in your relationship. By digging down and finding what problems there are may be difficult, but this way you can correct them and build on a stronger foundation.
All of this builds trust and respect and belief in your partner and makes the relationship that much stronger and both of you as individuals much stronger as well, knowing that you can overcome anything.
For more methods and very useful tips on improving your relationship or helping to rekindle or mend a broken relationship you need to click on the following link to Get Back Together
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ed_King
First Step.
This very important first step is being predictable. You do not have to continually try and spice things up to keep things going although this a common misunderstanding. Obviously, having and giving surprises is very nice and should be encouraged, but most of all there needs to be a basic consistency in the relationship that anchors it and makes it work. This is how trust is built as we go through our day to day lives.
Second Step.
This step concerns your body language....your words must match your message and therefore you body language, because if they don't match, your partner will pick up on this, even if they are not consciously aware of it and this is when the doubt starts setting in. Remember, when the words match the message which in turn match the body, this is trust building.
Third Step.
This important step is belief in your partners competency, otherwise you or they will not fully trust the other. When you communicate in a loving trusting and truthful way, the relationship just gets stronger. If you or your partner don't have belief in one another, then the relationship is violated.
Fourth Step.
Honesty. Don't keep things from you partner, or have secrets, (we're not talking about surprise birthday party secrets or other innocent ones) as this is very hard to keep going and absorbs a huge amount of energy that should rather be used to enhance and build the relationship. Secrets will eventually come out, and destroy trust.
Fifth Step.
Communication.Always discuss things with each other. Be open and let each other know what your wants and needs are. If you don't you will start resenting things your partner does and because yo do not communicate properly, this will destroy the relationship.
Sixth Step.
Both you and your partner need to learn to say no. Voicing your needs and desires are good things as this shows you are communicating, but you do not always have to agree, as your partner will lose respect for you if you always agree to everything, and this will lead to a breakdown in the relationship.
Seventh Step.
This the last step, is a very important one. Always pursue growth in your relationship. By digging down and finding what problems there are may be difficult, but this way you can correct them and build on a stronger foundation.
All of this builds trust and respect and belief in your partner and makes the relationship that much stronger and both of you as individuals much stronger as well, knowing that you can overcome anything.
For more methods and very useful tips on improving your relationship or helping to rekindle or mend a broken relationship you need to click on the following link to Get Back Together
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ed_King
Monday, November 30, 2009
How to Build Trust in Your Relationship Starting Right Now
Trust, one of the major foundations to relationships, all over the world, also one of the more difficult things to try and achieve in a relationship, for a number of reasons:
* Not knowing the individual well enough
* Judging them based on a past experience
* Your limitations due to your past experiences
* Being self conscious or not sure of yourself
* Not telling the truth about how you really feel (either to save your feelings or theirs)
* Forgiving but not forgetting (if they had your trust and then lost it)
All perfectly normal and most people will come under one or more of the bullet points above. So what can you do about it to make sure all your relationships from now on are built on trust and stay that way?
1. No Secrets - Be Honest
Be honest and open - the most important part of a relationship - from the very first date right through to 30 years of marriage or more. First impressions, of course are very important, being honest at the beginning and being the 'real' you will mean the person you are meeting will get to know the 'real' you and not the person you think they want you to be. If it is not a good fit at the beginning then it wasn't meant to be.
Secrets later in the relationship can destroy trust, and can then destroy the relationship. Secrets are found out in the end, even after all that covering up and lying.
It is the quickest way to get out of a relationship and if you have any respect for the other person then your relationship should be open and honest.
2. Playing the Guessing Game - Your Needs
Again, be open and honest about what you want or what you need. Sometimes relationships and life can be a bit of a guessing game because you don't know what the other person wants or you don't want to offend them. In the long run it will save a lot of arguments if you are both honest about what you need from each other.
Of course relationships are about compromise as well but neither or you will have a chance to do this if you are not honest. And this can actually be one of the reasons why a relationship might end - if you spend all your time meeting the other person's needs and none of your own it might seem like you are smothering them.
Be honest and open - both ways - about your needs and listen to what their needs are. You don't have to meet all their needs, you can say no sometimes. If you compromise about some things and agree/disagree on others then you will mutual respect for each other.
3. Body Language vs. What you Say
This links with what was discussed above, you want to make sure you are being truthful and honest with each other. As well as communicating that through the words that you are using you need to communicate the message through your body language too.
Does this sound familiar - you are annoyed because your man didn't call you back yesterday, he comes round and you decided to give him the silent treatment - you frown or give him dirty looks - when he asks what is wrong - you say nothing, that you are fine. Firstly he knows something isn't right because he asked - he read your body language. Secondly - well being open and honest is something that we have already talked about - so tell him you are annoyed he did not phone you back - he might have a perfectly good reason for it.
Make sure that the words you use and the body language you use are complimentary of each other - if they give two different messages then they will not trust what you are saying as your body says something else.
4. Believing in Them Builds Trust
Believing in your partner and putting your trust in them enhances that relationship ever single time. If you doubt that person's ability it makes them feel inadequate and they will feel resentment towards you - it might only start as something small but lots of small issues can blow up in your face.
To give you an example - my partner always likes to be early and I am a "turn up just on time or a few minutes late kind of person". If we need to be at a particular place at a particular time for say a party or a wedding then we are there on the dot, but if there is no urgency then I struggle to keep that time. This has been an issue J We compromised and understand how each other person works - I know that I can be trusted when it is important to be on time and to have makes me feel great at the same time the trust in our relationship stays intact!
5. Build and Enhance Trust By Learning And Asking Questions
One way to try and kick start building trust either for the first time or whilst you are in the middle of a relationship is to ask each other questions. Learn about each other, not easy question like "What is your favourite colour?" or your favourite meal. Real questions that make you think -that will really make you feel like you are getting to know the other person. Why not email each other a question a day for a couple of weeks - you will learn more about them, build your relationship and will give you something to talk about and discuss.
Sometimes the answers might not be what you wanted to hear but then that is something that you work through together. It will help you become stronger as a person and if it really isn't the answer you wanted to hear then maybe it will save you a lot of heartache in the future. To be honest -there is alot more positives to come out of "Questions" than negatives - so go for it.
For some of the best 'thought provoking', 'fun' and 'relationship saving' questions you can ask in a relationship, visit TopQuestions
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jenny_Hand_Davis
* Not knowing the individual well enough
* Judging them based on a past experience
* Your limitations due to your past experiences
* Being self conscious or not sure of yourself
* Not telling the truth about how you really feel (either to save your feelings or theirs)
* Forgiving but not forgetting (if they had your trust and then lost it)
All perfectly normal and most people will come under one or more of the bullet points above. So what can you do about it to make sure all your relationships from now on are built on trust and stay that way?
1. No Secrets - Be Honest
Be honest and open - the most important part of a relationship - from the very first date right through to 30 years of marriage or more. First impressions, of course are very important, being honest at the beginning and being the 'real' you will mean the person you are meeting will get to know the 'real' you and not the person you think they want you to be. If it is not a good fit at the beginning then it wasn't meant to be.
Secrets later in the relationship can destroy trust, and can then destroy the relationship. Secrets are found out in the end, even after all that covering up and lying.
It is the quickest way to get out of a relationship and if you have any respect for the other person then your relationship should be open and honest.
2. Playing the Guessing Game - Your Needs
Again, be open and honest about what you want or what you need. Sometimes relationships and life can be a bit of a guessing game because you don't know what the other person wants or you don't want to offend them. In the long run it will save a lot of arguments if you are both honest about what you need from each other.
Of course relationships are about compromise as well but neither or you will have a chance to do this if you are not honest. And this can actually be one of the reasons why a relationship might end - if you spend all your time meeting the other person's needs and none of your own it might seem like you are smothering them.
Be honest and open - both ways - about your needs and listen to what their needs are. You don't have to meet all their needs, you can say no sometimes. If you compromise about some things and agree/disagree on others then you will mutual respect for each other.
3. Body Language vs. What you Say
This links with what was discussed above, you want to make sure you are being truthful and honest with each other. As well as communicating that through the words that you are using you need to communicate the message through your body language too.
Does this sound familiar - you are annoyed because your man didn't call you back yesterday, he comes round and you decided to give him the silent treatment - you frown or give him dirty looks - when he asks what is wrong - you say nothing, that you are fine. Firstly he knows something isn't right because he asked - he read your body language. Secondly - well being open and honest is something that we have already talked about - so tell him you are annoyed he did not phone you back - he might have a perfectly good reason for it.
Make sure that the words you use and the body language you use are complimentary of each other - if they give two different messages then they will not trust what you are saying as your body says something else.
4. Believing in Them Builds Trust
Believing in your partner and putting your trust in them enhances that relationship ever single time. If you doubt that person's ability it makes them feel inadequate and they will feel resentment towards you - it might only start as something small but lots of small issues can blow up in your face.
To give you an example - my partner always likes to be early and I am a "turn up just on time or a few minutes late kind of person". If we need to be at a particular place at a particular time for say a party or a wedding then we are there on the dot, but if there is no urgency then I struggle to keep that time. This has been an issue J We compromised and understand how each other person works - I know that I can be trusted when it is important to be on time and to have makes me feel great at the same time the trust in our relationship stays intact!
5. Build and Enhance Trust By Learning And Asking Questions
One way to try and kick start building trust either for the first time or whilst you are in the middle of a relationship is to ask each other questions. Learn about each other, not easy question like "What is your favourite colour?" or your favourite meal. Real questions that make you think -that will really make you feel like you are getting to know the other person. Why not email each other a question a day for a couple of weeks - you will learn more about them, build your relationship and will give you something to talk about and discuss.
Sometimes the answers might not be what you wanted to hear but then that is something that you work through together. It will help you become stronger as a person and if it really isn't the answer you wanted to hear then maybe it will save you a lot of heartache in the future. To be honest -there is alot more positives to come out of "Questions" than negatives - so go for it.
For some of the best 'thought provoking', 'fun' and 'relationship saving' questions you can ask in a relationship, visit TopQuestions
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jenny_Hand_Davis
Relationship Secrets No One Wants to Talk About
I don't think anyone has to tell you that relationships are complicated. There are lots of resources out there that try and explain or give advice on how to handle them. However, as I have read, I find many of them lacking. They cover mostly the common sense stuff, like saying "I love you" and remembering anniversaries, but they leave off some of the non-conventional truths about relationships. So lets fill in a few of the gaps.
Getting Outside Help
What I have noticed is that most guides cover issues affecting newer relationships. Only specialized books cover problems that accompany long-term couplings and they again usually dish out the same advice about rekindling the flames of love, when in fact there may not always be any sparks left to rekindle.
When the fire starts to leave a long-term relationship let nature take its course. When partners gets bored that is when they cheat. But looking for fulfillment outside the relationship can be an important test. The outside fling will inevitably lead to a confrontation. If there is nothing to salvage in your relationship, you'll fight and eventually split and move on. If the love is still there the infidelities will bring it to the surface and can often save the relationship and may even make it stronger than ever.
Yes it is painful and no it is not fool proof but this is how it usually ends up anyway even after all the role playing and counseling. In newer relationships outside trials are more accepted as a test. "Let's see other people!" is a familiar phrase, and often it is agreed (however reluctantly) by both parties that this is a good test as to the strength of the burgeoning relationship.
Don't Poke Out The Wandering Eye
There are of course signs that a relationship is losing steam, among them is a waning sex life, emotional distancing and strange charges on credit card statements. But checking out a nice ass is not a sign of anything but being alive. This goes for both women and men. A quick tip for this very common situation is do not turn it into a fight, turn it into a night. When you catch your partner taking a gander at some passing eye candy, instead of blowing a perfectly normal human reaction out of proportion, turn it into a game. Playfully tease them about getting caught; this can lead to a strengthening of bonds plus a greater trust and understanding.
Address The Issue
Instead of going into the signs of a deteriorating relationship, lets take a look at some common causes that are often overlooked and usually play a bigger role than forgetting an important date or never buying flowers.
Very often, in a relationship people become comfortable with each other and their life together. The drive to attract a mate fades away and the first thing to go is attention to ones appearance. This is, either consciously or sub-consciously, a major factor in holding things together. It is after all the reason you got together in the first place and is the basis of almost all human attraction. If he lusted after your firm round ass or she got fluttery over your six-pack (or any other combination), you had better keep those things as long as you can. Basically if you let yourself go, be prepared to be let go.
This is especially true for women. The harsh truth is that women begin loving men for their "details" much sooner in a relationship. For men the primary attraction will remain physical for much longer. So ladies those little idiosyncrasies that melt your heart 3 months into it, are not going to be a major factor in his feeling towards you for maybe 10 months. So if that tiny waste-line goes early on then so will his attention. But this does not let the guys off the hook either, she may love you for the way you hold a sandwich, but don't forget it is your ripping back she is digging her nails into.
When The End Comes
Fortunately or unfortunately, whatever the circumstances, relationships come to an end. It is always nice to end things as friends, after all this person has been an important part of your life and it would be a shame to lose them all together. But be warned, the "Lets be friends" breakup has hidden hazards. Think very carefully before you make promises; can you truly handle seeing your former partner with another? If you cannot handle the image of your ex heaving sweaty breaths of passion under the pleasures of another, you are not keeping a friend, you are dragging out a one sided relationship and heading for even greater heartbreak.
This is especially important for guys. Men have a greater sense of detachment between sex and emotion, but men are also prone to territorialism and when you toss emotion in there it is a bad mix. Where as for a woman the thought of her man with a new lover is heartbreaking, it can be violently infuriating to a man. Most of the time the real pain of a breakup for a guy is not so much losing a life partner, but being replaced by another guy.
So the best thing to do if you decide to try and be friends is, don't expect to move from lovers to buddies over night. Take it slow and keep distance in the beginning. If there is a friendship there, a few months of not seeing each other, and more importantly NOT knowing what is happening in the others life, will not hurt a thing. True friends can get together after years of no contact and pick up right where they left off. The important thing is to understand that when it is over it is over. Dragging out a failed relationship is the worse thing that you can do to yourself.
Childhood Lessons
All of this applies even more the younger you are. With youth comes the need to grow and experience, which includes relationships. As children your heart is free to be fickle, because social convention allows a child's love to be non-committal. So why do we put such a burden on ourselves as adults?
We should take a page from childhood. What we devalue by calling a childhood crush was in fact love, perhaps even more pure than we are capable of in adulthood. The heartbreaks are the same; watching your love in 6th grade share milk with another was no less painful as it is seeing them having a secret luncheon with another at 35.
However, very often our youthful passions of 20 years past are revisited fondly in our memories; the first kiss under the bleachers, or running off for the day just to explore that warmth of being together. When you look back you can still feel the glow in your heart often to such a degree that even the recollection of the loves end is a fond memory. Where as an adult, many times we cannot recall one good thing about a realtionship we had 6 months ago. So when did we lose this ability to recover from heartbreak and move from love to love enjoying the moment of it without regret or malice? More importantly, how can we regain it?
The Big Square Dance
Love comes and goes; perhaps our quest to find that one perfect soul mate is where our heartache lays. If we were to embrace each relationship for the time that it exists and then set it off joyfully when it ends, celebrating the experience, instead of mourning the lose, maybe we would be happier. Instead of dragging along the baggage and pain we do now, we would carry from relationship to relationship all the positives and joy of the previous. We would quite literally be sharing the love. Then if you think about it, with all there is to learn from one another, it is unfair to ourselves and certainly selfish towards others to lock into a pairing and never branch out.
In that, no relationship would ever really end.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Arthur_Knight
Getting Outside Help
What I have noticed is that most guides cover issues affecting newer relationships. Only specialized books cover problems that accompany long-term couplings and they again usually dish out the same advice about rekindling the flames of love, when in fact there may not always be any sparks left to rekindle.
When the fire starts to leave a long-term relationship let nature take its course. When partners gets bored that is when they cheat. But looking for fulfillment outside the relationship can be an important test. The outside fling will inevitably lead to a confrontation. If there is nothing to salvage in your relationship, you'll fight and eventually split and move on. If the love is still there the infidelities will bring it to the surface and can often save the relationship and may even make it stronger than ever.
Yes it is painful and no it is not fool proof but this is how it usually ends up anyway even after all the role playing and counseling. In newer relationships outside trials are more accepted as a test. "Let's see other people!" is a familiar phrase, and often it is agreed (however reluctantly) by both parties that this is a good test as to the strength of the burgeoning relationship.
Don't Poke Out The Wandering Eye
There are of course signs that a relationship is losing steam, among them is a waning sex life, emotional distancing and strange charges on credit card statements. But checking out a nice ass is not a sign of anything but being alive. This goes for both women and men. A quick tip for this very common situation is do not turn it into a fight, turn it into a night. When you catch your partner taking a gander at some passing eye candy, instead of blowing a perfectly normal human reaction out of proportion, turn it into a game. Playfully tease them about getting caught; this can lead to a strengthening of bonds plus a greater trust and understanding.
Address The Issue
Instead of going into the signs of a deteriorating relationship, lets take a look at some common causes that are often overlooked and usually play a bigger role than forgetting an important date or never buying flowers.
Very often, in a relationship people become comfortable with each other and their life together. The drive to attract a mate fades away and the first thing to go is attention to ones appearance. This is, either consciously or sub-consciously, a major factor in holding things together. It is after all the reason you got together in the first place and is the basis of almost all human attraction. If he lusted after your firm round ass or she got fluttery over your six-pack (or any other combination), you had better keep those things as long as you can. Basically if you let yourself go, be prepared to be let go.
This is especially true for women. The harsh truth is that women begin loving men for their "details" much sooner in a relationship. For men the primary attraction will remain physical for much longer. So ladies those little idiosyncrasies that melt your heart 3 months into it, are not going to be a major factor in his feeling towards you for maybe 10 months. So if that tiny waste-line goes early on then so will his attention. But this does not let the guys off the hook either, she may love you for the way you hold a sandwich, but don't forget it is your ripping back she is digging her nails into.
When The End Comes
Fortunately or unfortunately, whatever the circumstances, relationships come to an end. It is always nice to end things as friends, after all this person has been an important part of your life and it would be a shame to lose them all together. But be warned, the "Lets be friends" breakup has hidden hazards. Think very carefully before you make promises; can you truly handle seeing your former partner with another? If you cannot handle the image of your ex heaving sweaty breaths of passion under the pleasures of another, you are not keeping a friend, you are dragging out a one sided relationship and heading for even greater heartbreak.
This is especially important for guys. Men have a greater sense of detachment between sex and emotion, but men are also prone to territorialism and when you toss emotion in there it is a bad mix. Where as for a woman the thought of her man with a new lover is heartbreaking, it can be violently infuriating to a man. Most of the time the real pain of a breakup for a guy is not so much losing a life partner, but being replaced by another guy.
So the best thing to do if you decide to try and be friends is, don't expect to move from lovers to buddies over night. Take it slow and keep distance in the beginning. If there is a friendship there, a few months of not seeing each other, and more importantly NOT knowing what is happening in the others life, will not hurt a thing. True friends can get together after years of no contact and pick up right where they left off. The important thing is to understand that when it is over it is over. Dragging out a failed relationship is the worse thing that you can do to yourself.
Childhood Lessons
All of this applies even more the younger you are. With youth comes the need to grow and experience, which includes relationships. As children your heart is free to be fickle, because social convention allows a child's love to be non-committal. So why do we put such a burden on ourselves as adults?
We should take a page from childhood. What we devalue by calling a childhood crush was in fact love, perhaps even more pure than we are capable of in adulthood. The heartbreaks are the same; watching your love in 6th grade share milk with another was no less painful as it is seeing them having a secret luncheon with another at 35.
However, very often our youthful passions of 20 years past are revisited fondly in our memories; the first kiss under the bleachers, or running off for the day just to explore that warmth of being together. When you look back you can still feel the glow in your heart often to such a degree that even the recollection of the loves end is a fond memory. Where as an adult, many times we cannot recall one good thing about a realtionship we had 6 months ago. So when did we lose this ability to recover from heartbreak and move from love to love enjoying the moment of it without regret or malice? More importantly, how can we regain it?
The Big Square Dance
Love comes and goes; perhaps our quest to find that one perfect soul mate is where our heartache lays. If we were to embrace each relationship for the time that it exists and then set it off joyfully when it ends, celebrating the experience, instead of mourning the lose, maybe we would be happier. Instead of dragging along the baggage and pain we do now, we would carry from relationship to relationship all the positives and joy of the previous. We would quite literally be sharing the love. Then if you think about it, with all there is to learn from one another, it is unfair to ourselves and certainly selfish towards others to lock into a pairing and never branch out.
In that, no relationship would ever really end.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Arthur_Knight
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
HOW TO GET THE GIRL YOU ALWAYS DREAMED ABOUT.
Hi guys out there.
Guys always seem to have this problem with women folk; the girl who would sell her father’s car for you, you don’t love but she who doesn’t even remember your name, you’d sing about and write poems on trees (like Shakespeare’s Ganymede) about! Well, I know because I’ve had the same problem several times and I got over it – most of the time.
Firstly, make sure she’s your choice. If you like bad girls, make sure she’s bad to the bone and vice-versa. You wouldn’t want to find out you’ve been stressing yourself over a pair of mismatched shoes would you? Of course not! How do you know if she’s your type? Simple. You have your specifications (physical, moral, intellectual, religious, and e.t.c), so watch her closely and see if she fits the bill. I suggest you do this for a girl close to you (neighbor, same church, school, workplace colleague and so on.) you can’t keep efficient tabs on someone in Enugu while you are in Sokoto, can you? It is also advisable that your paths or daily activities intersect often, like you guys have a common endeavor or something.
Next, you have to be different. If you are in a situation like I was (an engineering department), there’ll be a lot of boys trying to get the same thing (about 150 to 1 in my case) so you have to be distinguished. If everyone is quiet, make noise. Try not to be irritating though. Don’t be crass, be stylish, confident. Even if she has a boyfriend, your style’s the only thing that can give you an edge.
Get close. Here I quote from the popular advert, “the closer the better”. In a very sincere manner, get yourselves acquainted. Don’t use the old “let me help you with this…” routine, it totally sucks now. Rather, be the one in need of help. Say you felt she could help you with whatever. Let her take time explaining what you already know. Act smart like you get it, then make a mistake (let it not be expensive o!). Blame her. Say she said you should go left, instead of right. Have a small friendly blame shifting argument. This way you also find out more about her kind of person. If she insults the man in you, you might want to pack your charisma and leave because she won’t make a good long lasting relationship. If she’s jovial about it, hey, she just might be sweet. Lay aside you differences, buy her a drink. Talk about something else. Find out more about her. Say you are very grateful to her; you’d like to see her again in case you could help her too or you just like her company.
FREQUENCY. Hang out more often. Tell her little at a time about you, and know more about her. Use what you know against her. For instance, if you know she hates sunlight, give her your shades while you both are strolling, then promise (but keep forgetting) to get a pair for her. Don’t flaunt money or try to be what you aren’t; it will fail in the long run. Unless you are looking for a fling, then check out my article on getting flings in record time (and sometimes record trouble)! Now that you have started hanging out, challenge her views. Make her begin to see some things through your eyes. Motivate her and always seem in control. Compliment her (compliments aren’t always lies) and tell her things that will make her feel special. Don’t forget to seem trustworthy, ladies love guys who can keep secrets (they have so much of that so it’s only natural). And don’t seem like the guy who always depends on his male friend’s i.e always “hanging out with my guys”. It will look like all you and your friends do is brag about exploits (although it’s true) of which she is about to be inclusive. Seem focused but not stiff. Have times when you are dead serious, even angry, and times when you laugh till you cry. Mood swings can be an added advantage, adds more mystery to your charisma but you have to be careful lest it damages the bond you’ve so far built.
ROMANCE. Yea, the inevitable. You have to be romantic and it comes with being bold. Don’t say I want to kiss you, kiss her. Try doing it in a lovely setting, sunset, a garden, your room (though it sounds desperate more often than not), anywhere you know she won’t forget in a hurry. As you kiss (a deep one at that), watch her reaction, see if she tries to pull back (I hope for your sake she doesn’t). All that stuff about getting slapped is only in the movies bro. If you guys have been friends for sometime, you’ll never get slapped; she’ll only be confused if she really wasn’t expecting it. If you sense any rejection, pull back, look into her eyes dreamily for a little while (preferably before she says anything) and then say you don’t know what came over you, you’ve probably never seen anything so beautiful, enchanting, bla bla bla, but don’t apologize. You can then try to act normal or leave before she totally recovers. If you do not sense any rejection during the kiss (maybe you even sense her responding), then break the kiss, (not too abruptly) like you just realized yourself, pull out your head and look at her for the shortest moment then dive at her lips again, even deeper this time. Reverse psychology. You just succeeded in making it seem like you couldn’t resist her though it’s not naturally proper to have just kissed her like that. And you’re pretending you’re the one that can’t resist when you know she too was falling (but you are the man in control right?)!
Later, over the phone or something (in either case), talk about how magical the kiss was, how right it felt and how confused you are on what to do next but you know you don’t want to ever let her go. Let’s pray your mouth wasn’t smelly and you’re a good kisser so she’ll drop all her guards (and maybe boyfriend) for you!
CONCLUSION. Hey, I’ve tried haven’t I? It’s up to you to do what you want, because if you’ve got the right style and do what I’ve told you, she’s fallen already. You can now raise rug rats and live happily ever after, or break her heart by cheating (she won’t be the first, nor last to be heartbroken). You can look for my article on how to cheat, even though you’re caught. And if after trying all these, you don’t succeed, man, she ain’t your type, or you don’t have what it takes. But you must know something, you can’t win all, you have to lose some. Don’t worry; there will always be someone for you, even if your Mum has to go find her out for you. GOODLUCK
iamadiume@gmail.com
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